Figuring Out What Works: The Ebb and Flow of Stubbornness & Frustration

I touched on this topic in yesterday’s post when I said:

“Failing to write gives me this internal guilt trip that builds over time. Left unchecked, it can make me feel sick to my stomach. The guilt (and pain) only goes away after I get fed up, surrender, and write.

This phenomenon is reliable in that it’s inevitable, but it’s a slow charge… . I can be stubborn as a mule, so it’s no way to complete a novel in a timely fashion.”

This method is indeed slow, but it works. It guarantees that I’ll at least produce something from time to time. But this is one race the tortoise doesn’t win, so I’ve got to figure out what might nudge the speedometer closer to “hare”.

In this age of algorithms, speed is rewarded. In fact, fast writing is arguably far more important than good writing. It’s something my creative soul is in constant conflict with. However, a friend in the industry kindly reminded me that writing fast is a skill that can develop right alongside writing well. They aren’t mutually exclusive.

I admit that knocked me right off my high horse, but I still see a lot of dreck cranked out with some of the most awful homemade cover art I’ve ever seen, sometimes even by well-respected authors.

In theory, publishing something new and exciting that knocks people’s socks off should destroy books like that, but that’s not reality. Today, if we don’t want to be punished by The Algorithm, we’re expected to write exactly what fans are expecting, market ourselves in intrusive ways, use gimmicks, fish for marketable keywords, and write to market … rather than write what drives our souls. We’re expected to be machines, chasing fads on a rapid release schedule. It’s no wonder so many people use ghostwriters.

Of course, these stifling chains are only attached to people who need to climb the ranks and make as much money as possible. They’re forced to play the algorithm game. I’m free of these chains since I’m not writing for a living. My goal is to publish a novel, even if it means just getting read by my friends and family.

Now I could use this as an excuse to self-publish an unpolished turd, just to get this life goal off my bucket list. But my situation is allowing me to pull out all the stops and make as polished a product as possible. I’m not held to any deadlines. No one expects anything of me. The way I figure, I can take my time and create something that I can be truly proud of. So if I’m going to do this, no half-measures. I want to add something of value to this broken world.

But that doesn’t mean I couldn’t use a good boost in speed. I do have to get this book done before I die, after all.

And so, my stubborn personality keeps me in the game no matter how little I produce. My interest in writing started back in 2007, and I’ve been learning (and falling in love with) the craft ever since. It’s likely this desire to write will stay with me for the rest of my life.

The longer I don’t produce, the more frustrated I get. The more frustrated I get, the more likely it is I will eventually sit down and write.

Keep in mind the frustration level gets reduced dramatically if I post part of a chapter online or tell someone about my plot. So long as I don’t do either of these things, my frustration meter will continue to rise until I inevitably write.

This method works for me, but it’s counterproductive because it requires procrastination, and it keeps the needle buried at “tortoise”.