Figuring Out What Works: Negative Reinforcement, and Why it is Awesome

I love when someone tells me I can’t do something. I love it when someone wants me to fail.

Why? Because there are few motivators more powerful than negative feedback. Think of all the scientists who were driven to discover something new precisely because they were ridiculed by their peers.

When someone writes you off as a nobody, they just did you a favor. Because now, deep down, you feel the desire to prove them wrong. It’s human nature. And the worse they treat you, the stronger the effect. Maybe you wouldn’t have achieved much of anything if it weren’t for their involvement in your life. But thanks to their negativity, you find yourself rolling up your sleeves to prove them wrong.

“Somewhere, someone out there is holding their breath hoping you’ll fail. Make them suffocate.”

-an uncredited but inspiring quote I’ve been seeing around lately.

Finding people like this is harder than you’d think. Folks these days are afraid of confrontation. Parents have been taught by the media to treat their children like porcelain dolls, never punishing them, keeping them from all danger, and giving them nothing but positive reinforcement. Then the real world comes along … and doesn’t hand them free rewards. You can imagine many reacting something like Veruca Salt would.

And even after all that, people are still being trained to only give positive reinforcement. They willingly create insulated atmospheres with insincere positive-only comments and empty applause. That’s why it’s getting harder to find someone who will give honest feedback. Gatekeepers in these groups kick out the brutally honest ones because they’re “being dismissive”, etc.

But these exiles are performing a much-needed public service, even if the Verucas won’t tolerate them.

I was once in a writing group where a very emotional Veruca wrote a sob-story about how she had just finished her debut novel despite how “mean” one of her teachers was about her writing in grade school. I could tell that this teacher had rocked her to her core, but I could also tell that she probably had the type of parents who would tell her she could do and have anything her heart desired.

And the result of the teacher’s method was she wrote a book she otherwise probably wouldn’t have. (Sometimes, believe it or not, teachers who seem bad are actually good, and are playing the long game.) And the result of her parents’ parenting? Well, she can’t process negative feedback very well, for one. Of course the comments were a parade of, “Oh, screw that teacher.” and “You go girl!”

But I couldn’t help but think she should thank that teacher. Maybe even dedicate the book to him.

The last thing you want to do is find yourself inside of some writing group full of sycophants who are only capable of saying robotic phrases like, “You’re sooo incredible!” or “That was AMAZING!” whenever anyone posts a snippet or other small writing success. This kind of feedback is completely useless and has no meaning.

If you’re currently in a group where only positive responses are allowed, run far, far away. I’m sure by now you’ve seen positive feedback on even the most bottom-tier garbage writing you could imagine. Being around that kind of behavior for too long will break your compass. I wouldn’t even want to be involved with a group where the moderator dictates that everyone must say “at least one positive thing” in every critique unless they “want to be banned”.

I say, let me have it! I want the full-brunt force of the truth, even if it’s all negative. I’d rather work through my problems now so I don’t get surprised by it later (getting review-bombed by the general public under the guise of anonymity known as the Internet). I don’t even need constructive criticism to improve. Destructive criticism works just as well.

“The trouble with most of us is we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism.”

-Norman Vincent Peale

Now, writers should encourage each other, and constructive criticism is one of the best ways to do it. But there should never be a vacuum filled with nothing but praise, or a dictator strong-arming mandatory positive criticism. If everyone’s praised, then no one’s praised. If everyone is required a pat on the back, then receiving one is no longer meaningful. Writers must be honest with each other and communicate like adults. This is how ideas are shared, how people improve, and it’s especially important for writers, because we need to develop a thick skin more than anyone.

Remaining in such a bubble, being constantly surrounded by yes-men, can make writers lose their edge and become narcissistic. These groups do not work for me because I want to keep moving forward and learn from my mistakes.

Negative feedback helps keep me in the saddle, and honest criticism helps my writing steadily improve. To shut these things out of my life would be a terrible mistake.