Given the story from my previous post, I guess it’s clear that stopping the medication was the right choice. It’s just … the timing really sucked for comparison purposes, and getting back on ADHD meds is not an easy thing to do.
But Ritalin wasn’t the answer for me. Effortless academic excellence was nice, but it wasn’t worth losing my personality over. And it wasn’t worth being depressed. All those years working without pills as a safety net meant my brain had to adapt and find new ways to tackle the problems that Ritalin trivialized. I think I’m now stronger for it, and there’s comfort in knowing that everything I’ve accomplished since fourth grade was all me. Not me plus pills.
Had I never gotten off Ritalin, I’d have never known I was capable of pulling off a near-perfect GPA in college without needing that crutch. Now that I’ve done it, the sky feels like the limit once again, just as it did back in my “gifted” years. If my brain can figure out how to ace college, surely it can figure out how to write a book. Right?
Well, I have to admit the idea of getting back on ADHD meds is tempting, at least, for testing purposes. It would be nice for writing to flow like water from my fingertips once again. I do admit I romanticize those early years and associate them with pure creative expression, but that was my reality back then. I felt both creatively and academically unstoppable.
I can’t begin to stress how much of a pivotal moment my fifth grade experience was for me. It left me with too many dangling questions. But, the more practical side of me would rather achieve finishing this novel without the pills, just as I was able to finish college. If I can figure out a way to climb this last mountain, it should be all the proof I need to move on from Ritalin forever, and finally put those dangling questions to rest.
Nick Enlowe 