Poor Tails. Or should I say Miles “Tails” Prower? (In case you never caught it: Miles-Per-Hour.)
THIS POST HAS, AT MOST, MINOR SPOILERS, SO IT SHOULD BE SAFE TO READ IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE MOVIE.
In the movie Sonic the Hedgehog 2, Tails comes from a planet full of anthropomorphic foxes just like him. Well, almost. Tails is an outcast, a genius inventor with two tails instead of one.
Of course, that means he’s not only several standard deviations ahead of his peers, but he can also interdimensionally travel, create James Bond-level gadgets, and (pauses to take breath) he can also fly.
Despite having all these amazing abilities that would make anyone insta-world famous, he’s depicted as a victim, someone you should feel sorry for. Normally, such a plea would make my eyes roll, but, lucky for him, he’s in a movie that’s undeniably enjoyable at times (don’t take that as a full-on endorsement, but it’s safe enough to bring your kids to, a rarity these days), and he looks flippin’ adorable.
At any rate, posing as an outcast is his “in” for relating to Sonic and buying the audience’s sympathy as well. Now, in Sonic’s case, yes. He’s a furry in an all-human world. They shoehorn in unlikely Slav dance scenes and rowdy biker quarrels to drive that point home (“He ain’t like us!”). But, like Tails, Sonic’s also superhuman, and he’s almost universally loved here in our real world.
Sonic’s version of Earth is his oyster. If he gets bored with that, he can travel to a different world anytime he wants. He’s Quicksilver fast. He knows how to party, has a great sense of humor, and can even be a superhero with virtually no risk to his life (that last one alone would be endlessly fulfilling).
I find it interesting that, despite all the hardships Tails supposedly went through, being hated by his entire home planet, he still proudly goes by his nickname, “Tails”. Maybe he’s owning it. But you’d think that nickname would be a tad traumatic for him, or that he’d at least be damaged goods. But he’s pretty much choir boy good, brilliant, has a backpack full of deus ex machina, and did I mention he can also fly?
I guess all those years of getting made fun of must have not bothered Tails as much as he says.
I can’t help but compare it to one of the core problems with Marvel’s X-Men franchise. Imagine if someone could fly in real life… unaided. Seriously. One human out of 7 billion, who can actually fly. Imagine how famous that person would be, even if he never does a single heroic thing, opting to spend his entire life eating Chee-tohs. Imagine how jealous normal people would be of anyone with such a power. Flying guy has something that makes him special.
That’s the siren song of mutant powers. We read and watch these stories because we can all relate to being the outcast. But we also secretly wish we had powers. Something to make us special.
But in the X-Men books, humans recklessly attack mutants and yell slurs against them at the drop of a hat, despite the fact that mutants have unpredictable powers that could be far more lethal than jumping someone with a concealed carry license.
So, these mutants are all hated, right? Well, not quite. Some characters are celebrated, even signing autographs for fans in public places without getting bricks thrown at them. It’s logically inconsistent. In reality, mutant heroes would probably be treated more like Superman. The heroes would be celebrated, even worshiped.
The villains would be hated, and rightfully so. Some of them have the power to destroy the entire world, a subset of which are evil enough to actually go through with it. A far more pressing threat than nuclear weapons, I would say.
And the only way to keep that threat under control is to encourage the heroes, and keep villains like Joker in Arkham Asylum where he belongs. It would be in humanity’s best interest to make the heroes feel good about their decision to risk their own lives everyday in order to protect the world.
In a more realistic X-Men universe, kids getting into their preteens would hope they aren’t going to just be another 9-to-5 schlub. They would want a power to manifest, something that would allow them to make a difference in this world, or at least to help them get an edge in this unfair life.
At most, powers could buy them a ticket to an adventurous lifestyle and make them truly special. It’s a power fantasy come true.
In such a world, even a somewhat useless power (such as the ability to restore eraserheads on No. 2 pencils, or give flat soda back its fizz) would be more interesting than no power at all. At least you’d be a hit at parties. And who knows? You might be able to monetize it.
I also have to consider the mutants who wind up looking like freakish creatures, such as having extra arms, strange faces, and fangs. But that doesn’t work for the analogy they’re going for, either. It works much better as an allegory for being an outcast in general. It’s the classic, “I don’t feel like I fit in” teenage angst. Let’s just say there’s a reason the World Wildlife Fund uses a Panda for its logo and not a Red-lipped Batfish.
But hey, I’d even take ugly, but powerful, over being a desk jockey my whole life. I’d get a unique look all my own and, yes, it would make me famous.
Nick Enlowe 